Chasing home
by Twistedlines
Summary: She was left by her childhood sweetheart so that he could go pursue his dream of being a star. Left with her life in tatters, her own dreams torn apart- Bella must make most of what she has and learn to move on for the sake of those who need her. I know the summary isn't great but give it a go. Rated M for mature themes, swearing. I don't own the characters.
1. Discoveries

_Chapter one- Discovery. _

I slowly paced the narrow hall, my small palms clammy as I waited. I looked at the pictures of my ancestors staring at me in disgust. Aunt Maud, looked down her small spectacles perched on the bottom of her hook nose and she scowled at me, like I was a piece of crap on her shoe. Great. Fabulous. Wonderful. The scandal was going to follow me forever, what would I do. An unwed, single and teenage mother to a man who's gone awol for a singing career. I was totally fucked. I ran my hands down the front of my grey sweatpants and I stepped inside the bathroom, there was a chance I wouldn't be pregnant… but fuck. If I was what the hell would I do, I'm a child myself. I can't iron my clothes never mind care for a little person.

I slowly walked over to the shiny black counter, the trapped gold inside the black marble shimmering under the spotlight. I picked up the plastic stick that would change my life. I looked at the cheap white plastic stick, dreading turning it around. I had bought one of the fancy ones, it was too at expensive thirty dollars, it was going to say yes or no and the rest of my life would be determined. God, I was an idiot. Why had I listened to his sweet talk, it's why he had the world's twelve year olds falling at his feet, proclaiming he wrote the songs about them.

"Jesus, I know I've not been the best at coming to church and I've had sexual relations before marriage but please hear me out… I can't have a child." I begged out loud, wondering if miracles could happen. If divine intervention would step in.

I took a deep breath, my trembling hands slowly started to turn the fat white stick around.

**YES.**

It was there on the little screen in plain english, I dropped the stick and shook my head slapping my forehead as I slowly run my hand up my arm. Okay, so Jesus ignored me, note to self-

don't pray randomly after nearly eighteen years of pretending to go to church and whatnot, respect Jesus more.

"HOW THE FUCK COULD I BE SO STUPID!" I screamed towards the ceiling, not really caring if anyone walking past would hear me, whether it be the Rosa, the housekeeper, or my Mom, all I wanted was for this to go away. Right on cue, my Mother Renee Swan walked through the door, holding a plate of cookies and milk. Her face worried as she lay it on my vanity in the bathroom, her eyes catching sight of the white stick and she slowly walked over. I let out a few tears, my thick black frames steaming up from the heat of the tears as I waited for the 'you're a stupid girl lecture or 'you will do this' or my personal choice 'you're a huge let down.'

I waited ten seconds,

I waited twenty,

I waited a minute,

I waited another and another,

And then after another intense six minutes of a stare down, Her green eyes locked with mine- I could see the smudge of eyeliner under her left eye and how it sat in the thin crease under the eyes, the harsh bathroom light showed me her age, it didn't hide her cracking skin or greying hair. Her eyes were locked in themselves, like a prisoner left to rot. She gave me nothing apart from the, gloss of exhaustion as she stared. And in this moment, I could she stood and looked at me analysing my small body and she let out a loud, heart-wrenching sob throwing her arms around me and pulling me close. Hugging me, and kissing my hair like she would when I fell as a child. She cradled me in her warm embrace and walked me into my bedroom, the room I'd grown up in, the walls adorned in the large posters of my teenage obsession, my white vanity the top of which had a purple stain from when I spilled my nail polish all over it, the sides cluttered with perfumes and make up. The chest of drawers in the corner was spewing my sweats and hoodies. The tight tops and shorts of before had been long forgotten, banished to a forgotten corner of my room _because nothing fitted anymore_. She pushed me down on to my bed, pulling the heavy, pink covered duvet around me. I could hear a god-awful sound, it was like a cat getting strangled and I realised it was me, it hadn't been Mom sobbing, Mom was singing me to sleep. I slowly shut my eyes, starting to let the relaxing darkness of sleep overwhelm my body, deep into a sleep where I didn't have to move or think.

"Mommy, Daddy and your big brother will take care of you, We all love you regardless Isabella. No matter what. We're a family, we love you- don't forget princess. We'll love the child as well." She promised, wiping my hair of my face. She said sitting on her knees at the side of my bed, her sharp green eyes locked on my sleepy brown ones and I knew she was telling the truth, if Mom was wanting me gone, she'd have done it by now. My Mom is always honest.

"Now sleep." She said quietly and I did, falling into the abyss of sleep with a sigh of relief.

_Dreams_

_I woke up slowly, the world around me was warped, twisted and just a little creepy the first thing that I processed in my tired mind was the fact that all colour was removed. Rain pouring steadily, I was confused. It was drought season, why was it raining cats and dogs? I pinched my arm, I couldn't feel anything. I must still be dreaming. I stood, where was I? It looked like a field of some sorts, it was a surreal place. There was white roses up to my waist, I could feel them jabbing into my skin, I could feel my skin opening but it wasn't actually that sore, I could definitely feel the warm blood trickling down my legs from the small cuts that danced over my legs. I looked to the sides of the field, but the roses grew to be as big as trees. I felt like I was suffocating, like that feeling you get when you know something bad is away to happen but you just can't tell what. I could see him standing, he was perfect, on the outside at least. Unlike me, I was soaked, my body scraped and broken. His eyes were drooping slightly at the edge, the spark gone from the hazel irises, the grey scape of the scene causing them to be a dark brown and I could remember this night. It was April 22nd, the night after I lost my virginity. The night he left. Maybe I could make him stay this time, he would hear me out, he wouldn't leave me behind. He'd stay and we'd be Momma, Daddy and baby. Happy families forever and forever. _

"_Isabella, you're suffocating me… I can't be who I want to be with you constantly hanging on my arm!" He shouted, his arms wrapping over my chest, preventing me from trying to hug him. I looked at him, oh no. This was a repeat. He got to stand in all his glory, All 6'5 of him dominated my sight, he looked like an angel but he wasn't. He broke me! He promised he loved me. _

_I let out a strangled sob, I didn't want this. I wanted him to be the knight in shining armour. _

"_I thought you loved me Edward, are the last three years nothing to you?" My voice was a garbled mess, I grabbed at one of the roses, not caring as it cut into my hand, feeling nothing. It was only a dream afteral, he didn't care. He had moved on months ago. _

"_Nothing Isabella. I fucked five other chicks while we were together, two on speed dial for when you'd never do it. How do I put this? Sweetness you were a challenge, you friendzoned me way back as kids and I got bet that I couldn't sleep with the most unfuckable girl in school, you, and with us being friends sweetness… well the boys thought I had no chance. But I did it, I deflowered you well and truly." His voice was a saying this like he had rehearsed it, like he was reading a script. His tongue poked out to wet his lips and he shook his head and turned to walk away "You should really get someone to teach you how to fuck sweetness, the college boys won't look at you, if you act like such a dork and dance about all over the place." _

_He walked away, the roses parting as he did, it left me trapped. The thorns closing in on me, my eyes shutting as I tried to think of something, anything else. _

_I felt a pair of warm arms pick me up, enclosing me to their chest and wrap my legs around their waist, letting me snuggle my head into their neck. _

"_Hush now little one." They whispered, the voice masculine and I knew who it was Jacob Black, the kindest boy ever to live. _

Why did girls like me fall in love with Edward Cullens and ignore the Jacob Blacks? Oh why? Oh why?

I woke up, lying horizontal on my bed, my arms clutching at my pillow, the sheets soaked in sweat and tears. Edward. I woke up with his name on my lips. _Would I ever not want him?_

I went incognito for the next few weeks keeping the white stick of doom in my bag, I couldn't quite believe it, I refused to. I couldn't be pregnant. I had showed my friends Rosalie and Jake. Rose had wanted to come with me to the scan today but her boss wouldn't give her time off to play Aunty. Jake's uncle however had let him out of working on their family farm. I let him drive through the small backwater town we had all grown up in and it had only been months but already the town was celebrating the town's most successful son Edward Cullen- Aka my baby's Daddy who wanted nothing to do with me and had no idea I was knocked up. I didn't want to think about it or him. I slowly looked over to Jake. He was too kind. His Dad had wanted him to go to college and study law or even become a doctor but instead he stayed at home helping his elderly uncle (Who was actually his Grandpa's brother, so it was his great uncle, technically.) run his farm, so the old man could lay back a bit and enjoy his time doing old people things, whatever that may be.

The cold hit me as soon as I stepped out the large red Jeep, having to jump down because I was so small, I didn't know the model but it drove well. I just know I like brightly coloured cars, yellow being my favourite but Daddy said no daughter of his would ever drive a banana about. I let Jake hook my arm in his and we walked towards the hospital's modern doors. It was like we were going to prom but we weren't going to prom, we'd been to all the proms. I was going to my baby scan, I was on a super fast track to adulthood. The first time I would see my little accident. I looked up at Jake through my eyelashes letting him lead me in, my head running a thousand miles an hour. He held the door open for me, walking me through the foyer towards the shiny marble desk.

"How may I help you kids, is your mom in?" She asked snootily, her voice was a nasal tone, my already pounding head wasn't enjoying the sensation of her voice. I had told Mom to just book me in the county general for a screen but she had refused sending me to the clinic where she had Jasper and then me. I looked at her name badge '_Elizabeth' _and then I let my eyes roam down her fat body, the suit designed to be a tight fit practically bursting at the seams on her. Her hair was full of dodgy blonde chunks and it occurred to me how the hell was she working here for, the rest of the staff were pretty close to being perfect looking but I guess they couldn't fire her for either gaining a few pounds or being fat. "Oh is it a big sister you're visiting or maybe an aunt?" Her voice was now sickly sweet and obviously false, like the pack of double oreos and bottle of seven gallons of coke I was craving. God, I was going to be a beachball by the end of this pregnancy.

"No, I have a two o'clock with Doctor Gerandy." I say quietly, knowing I shouldn't be just graduated and knocked up. That I deserved the hate I'd get but I couldn't help the situation, I couldn't rewind time.

"Okay dokey, Miss Swan." She said handing me a clipboard, her tone changed once she found out that I was a Swan, that was shitty. It wasn't bad now because Daddy was Mr Moneybags. "Fill this out and give it back to me once you've been inside." She said kindly, her voice warm and friendly now that she had found out my official monetary status.

Jake led me to a back corner, I sat down on the seat on the wall, leaning my head against it and I started to fill the form, I sped through it just wanting it done as I gulp looking down at the one question I didn't want to see.

**Father-_**

What the hell did I put? I knew who it was, but didn't he have to be here to put his name down and why the hell was this important at my first scan? Stupid. Stupid question. Oh god, what could I put? They'd think I was lying if I put down Edward. I looked over at Jake, his warm brown eyes, they were the colour of the mud when we were over watering the grass and shrubs during summer to keep them alive, a dark deep brown. It reminded me of the summer sun, prancing through the sprinklers scanned the question board and he looked up to the heavens as if he was praying. His lips moving fast, saying something I couldn't make out. Little blip had no chance, did they? No family to grow up in. I slowly stood up, looking back down at the form, taking a deep breath, how the fuck did I answer this. I shut my eyes. Leaving the clipboard with the paper on the small table which was full of old magazines telling me how to dress for summer 2010, it was only four years too late and a few months, it was autumn now and nearing the end. I sighed, shaking my head. I leaned my left arm out grabbing the clipboard and looking down, sighing ready to put unknown next to the father but I couldn't, there was already an answer. Holy shit

**Father- Jacob Black**

**DOB- 12/2/96**

I almost shit myself, what the fuck? Nah, this was too much of him. I wouldn't let him do something like this. But how I wished it was true. Life would be simple if he was the Daddy. I didn't even notice him pick up the clipboard.

"Jake, no." I say, turning to look at him. His curly brown hair twinkling under the artificial lights, His hands which were covered in the labours of work grabbing my empty hand and he let his eyes lock with mine, slowly raising my hand to his mouth and he kissed it gently.

"Isabella Marie Swan, now you listen to me. I love you and I think I always have right since we were at Pre-K and you were sitting with Edward playing house and he wouldn't let me play and you made him let me be Uncle Jake-Jake… You let me hang with you guys and be one of you even though everyone else didn't…" He took a deep breath and looked at me, his warm brown eyes alive and buzzing. "Bella you are one of the reasons why I stayed home. I'll be the best Daddy to this little one and I'll make you Mrs Black if you want but I'll leave you be if you can't handle me and love and relationships."

I looked at him for a few minutes and I let out a deep breath, Edward had been gone almost six months, I didn't have much of pregnancy left now, the bump was growing, I'd looked at Jake, his eyes were dropped slightly at the lids, his mouth in a tight line of anticipation, he looked so excited but at the same time he knew I could refuse and just leave him in the same way that Edward left me. I couldn't say I definitely loved him with a burning passion like I did Edward but on the other hand he was offering to give my baby everything they deserved, a picket fence life with a stable, happy Mom and Dad. He made me laugh. He saved me and baby. I trusted him and I would grow to love him passionately, it wasn't just me I had to think of, I had to think of the baby.

"Jake, thank you. I accept. Let's be a family." I said, my fingers clutching on to his harder. I didn't need drama, I needed security and stability, both of which Jake was. This was the best option, Mom and Dad liked him. The twins said he was cool and they'd be able to play poker with him, well rip him off at poker.

I had one last question to answer.

**Mother- Isabella Marie Swan. **

**DOB- 23/3/96**

I looked at the drying ink, I just sealed us together. I had made the baby his.

"Isabella Swan? Doctor Gerandy is ready for you."

I stood up, grabbing Jake's hand. I was ready. I had to be.

It was time to face the music.


	2. Stay away

**Chapter two- Stay away**

**I don't own the characters, they belong to Stephanie Meyer. Any mistakes are my own, this was an original fic at a point so I might have missed names or eye colour. Sorry! Thank you for reading, please review!**

**Edward. **

I looked down at the busy streets of New York, it really never did sleep. Unlike Forks, that slept all the fucking time! I looked around the sweet I was sharing with a hot piece of ass, she was a model. Swedish or something. New york in the spring was pretty, it wasn't freezing like winter but it wasn't sweltering like the summer. But it was Summer, it was sweltering the heat rose to my penthouse room but the AC fought back beautifully at least it wasn't home, the tarmac would melt and stick to our legs in summer, or it rained non-stop. I was on my world tour, this was the second last date then I was playing Seattle, I didn't really pay attention. I knew it wasn't too far from home, but it had been about five years, since I'd been home, I had no intentions of going back to Forks, nothing there for me anymore. I walked around the room, grabbing myself a scotch from the drinks cupboard, I was twenty one. I could drink fourteen bottles, if I wanted, of course I wouldn't do that to my precious liver. I yawned downing the scotch and sauntering back into the bedroom, my eyes drifting over my phone. A few missed calls from my Mom, I couldn't remember the last time I'd spoke to her. I was such a shitty son.

I dialled her number, taking my seat by the large windows. I threw my head back, draining the scotch from the glass.

"Edward." She said curtly, she never forgave me after Bella. I didn't blame her, I didn't forgive myself. I had my reasons though. I always had my reasons.

"You're not coming home. You stay away Isabella is happy, her and Jacob Black are getting married, he proposed last night on her birthday." Mom giggled enthusiastically. Jesus, when did they hook up? It couldn't have been that long ago. Fuck, my- no Bella was engaged? I had no intentions of going home, I promised her that much at least. She'd never see me in person again. I'd never contact her, a clean break. I knew she'd have seen my CD's and even the films I'd done but I didn't want her to hurt too much, she never deserved that. Wait, hold up… Jacob fucking Black?! He was my best friend other than Bella at school and he was hooking up with my girl? Who the fuck did he think he was? Holy Moly! I'd beat the shit out of him if I was there. Properly. Bella, wasn't mine though. Something I couldn't forget, oh God I would always be hers. No matter how many models and groupies got in my bed but she very clearly wasn't my Bella, she was Jake's Bella. I wondered who she was now, was she a Momma, had she moved out? How was her Mom, Jasper and her Dad? How was my Mom and Rose? Bella's annoying girl best friend, who I of course tormented about everything because Bella was my best friend to begin with, Rose dated my asshole of a big brother Em. God, for the first time since I left I wanted to go home. I wanted to run down main street into the diner and see Bella standing behind the till, working away even though her family had money coming out their asses. I wanted to jump over the counter like the old day's and kiss her like I was claiming her all over again, I wanted to be eighteen again and I wanted to be Isabella's boyfriend. I would never get that back.

"Mom, I had no intentions of coming home and how long has she been with him? Ten freaking minutes probably? Is she knocked up?" I said bitterly, I wouldn't let my guard down. I still had to be the asshole that let her go. I couldn't be the guy that wrote two albums for her and said that they were for Tanya Denali, the hottest young female actress currently. We were meant to be engaged but I fucked female models that let me call them Bella and Tanya also fucked female models. It was a mutual agreement, perfect couple for the photos but we didn't even text in reality.

"Edward Anthony Mason-Cullen, Isabella has been with Jake for five years!" My Mom scalded. "She deserves this happiness! God you left her with a big enough mess to sort! Lucky enough it was a gift more than anything… shit, I wasn't meant to say that." She trailed off, her voice pinched as she mumbled. What did I leave her with? I took it all… Clearly she wasn't going to tell me anymore and I wasn't that interested. I was more interested in the fact she'd been with Jake for three years, considering I'd been gone three and a half, didn't take her long to shack up. Holy shit, had she really loved me in the first place? This was one big fucked up mess. I wanted to go home but at the same time I wanted to bury my head under a rock and die. She was promising her heart to him and she still had my fucking heart. She just didn't know she was the girl I wrote about. I was an idiot. I had let her go because she deserved better and now I wanted her more than anything. Fuck my life.

In the words of the great man, Leonard Cohen, himself.

_There ain't no cure for love. _

Amen, brother.

The day went quickly, I went to the gym, I ate and got chucked out a trainer shop. That was just the morning, I was performing in Times square. It was going to be good. I had been staying in this hotel on times square all week and I had watched it be transformed into a stage, in which the world would watch me from. It was a free gig but I was still getting paid from the sponsors. Pepsi, was the main sponsor, it was always their juice that got sold at my gigs and I done the adverts. I was a pepsi guy anyways. Converse were a sponsor aswell, I wore Converse and done the ad's. Simple money. There were another couple other brands that I had done some work with but they were nothing major.

I was standing backstage, waiting. I could hear the teenage girls scream and chant. I used to get nervous. Not now, I'm a cocky arsehole. I could get every girl in that crowd and more. I could get all the girls in the world if I wanted but I couldn't get the one I wanted. How ironic. I strolled on causally, before cue. I picked up my guitar, stood at the front of the stage and started to strum a C major, I hadn't been able to play guitar before. The record company had forced me to learn and invented a story about being taught by my Grandfather. I filled out the chords and started the melody. I'd start with a slow one. 5,4,3,2,1. Show time. Huh, this wasn't a song, uh-oh. I'd wrote this today after speaking to my Mom, shit. I'd have to go with it now.

"_Oh my mud-pie eyes, oh how precious you are. _

_Oh mud-pie eyes, have you forgotten me?_

_mud- pie eyes, is he more than I'll ever be?_

_He's held your hand longer than I've held your hand. _

_He was always waiting for me to stumble, _

_So he could stoop in and be your knight in shining armour._

_We all grew up together, I got you first then he admitted how he felt to me _

_but I laughed it off and thought you'd never leave me._

_I ran because I was scared girl, you made me open my eyes again _

_and it fucking scared the shit out of me. We were tragic really, I _

_was to young to be what you needed. I wander lost, screwing girls_

_that mean nothing. Truth be told baby, I'm living a lie. I have to be the _

_Edward the world wants to see but I don't want to be him. The Edward that _

_isn't yours. No-one was ever a patch on you._

_He will be the boy, I never was. He can set you free _

_from my curse. I should let it be, let you be happy. _

_Let you move on but something in my heart won't let me _

_mud-pie eyes. It's been three and a half years since we _

_talked, can you forgive me? Oh mud-pie eyes, don't _

_let go of who we used to be! I know I left you with a real big _

_mess but isn't it really great, it turned out to be a beautiful miracle, can't you see _

_mud-pie eyes, you're the one for me, the keeper of the keys to my _

_heart. _

_We grew together, went through all the shitty phases together. _

_We evolved from the stupid kids without a clue to be excited to enter the big bad world, _

_hungry for more than our backwater towns. Mud pie eyes, I should let it be. I should let _

_you go but, I need you. Mud pie eyes, you're the only girl for me. I know I fucked up but I told you a bunch of shit, ironically so you could move on and find someone better but I can't watch that, Mud pie eyes. Oh Mud pie eyes don't forget me."_

I sighed at the end, holding my guitar in one hand, the entire crowd was blown away. I sounded cocky but the screams had died down and all eyes were locked on me, I could see what they were all asking, who's Mud pie eyes? They all knew it couldn't be Tanya, she had light blue eyes. Like dry, cracked ice. Her eyes were nothing special, they didn't light up like Bella's did. They were hollow, like she'd given up. But Tanya was so high half the time she couldn't get out her bed. She starved herself and snorted coke when she was hungry. Yeah. I stood for a few minutes, and there it was the silence, they waited for me to explain. I didn't picked up my guitar and started to strum the proper introduction to the gig. Fuck them all. I wouldn't drag her down too. But I was going home, I was going to see Isabella for myself.

When I arrived home, I drove past the large ice cream parlor- Frosties (super original name I know), it was good but the diner was calling. Mom had told me if I insisted on coming back then I had to grab her soda, so much love. I could feel so much love. I drove through the small town, perfectly preserved. The lawns beautifully maintained, the houses painted perfectly. I drove into the parking lot behind the wal-mart. It wasn't huge like some of the one's in bigger cities but it was home. I felt comfortable being here. It wasn't full of screaming fans. It wasn't full of traffic and angry people storming about. It was just nice and calm, and for a minute if it weren't for the fact I was driving a pretty car- the new Range Rover Evoque that I was driving I'd believe it was old times again. I looked around the parking lot, there was another few cars but the only one that stood out was the bright red Jeep Grand Cherokee. I wondered who it belonged too.

I strolled inside the store, letting the air conditioner wash the sticky heat from my skin, taking a deep breath. Soda, aisle five. I walked over to the soda aisle, passing the magazines. Most of them asking the same thing

"**WHO IS MUD PIE EYES?" **

I chuckled a little, picking up my personal favourite- usweekly and reading the exclusive interview with Tanya, explaining her hurt at the fact I didn't love her and how she couldn't be with me anymore. I snorted, she'd begged me to stay in our deal, but I said no-no. I was destined to win another girls heart. She didn't take it well and started spurting shit about me on twitter before the legion of teens turned on her and she had to delete her twitter account. It had only been a week and the shitstorm was growing, they had journalists swarming towards Forks but I hadn't been forthcoming with my personal life before and I sure as hell wasn't starting now. I put it back down and sauntered slowly over to the soda aisle.

I picked up a bottle of Doctor Pepper and then chucked in the Diet Pepsi. I couldn't remember what Mom's favourite was. I liked Doctor Pepper and I think she liked Diet shit, oh well. I wasn't buying that son of a bitch Em anything. He didn't even tell me that Jake and Bella were together and Bella, Rose and Em did go around like the best pals ever. I wondered if he was still dating Rose. The walking forehead. She'd hit me if I said that to her face but it was true, she had a squishy face and a massive forehead. She thought however she was the hottest thing to walk Earth.

I saw her before she saw me. She was standing at the end of the aisle. Her small body was softer than last time I saw her, she was curvier. Her hands were reaching for the Diet Coke. Her long dark hair was tied in a bun on top of her head, her small nose was marked by a nose ring. That was a new one. I couldn't see her oh so famous Mud pie 's, I could see the heavy black frames slipping down her nose. Hm, when had that happened? I thought she had twenty/twenty vision. It had been what four years, I guess things change. The nose ring was new as well though. I noticed her pearly whites clamping around her bottom lip and her slim hand move to push the heavy black frames up, her ring finger clad in a gold band with a square diamond, it looked old. I sighed. If that wasn't marking him as his, I didn't know what would. I saw her plop the bottles in the trolley and stroll down absently mindedly, not even noticing me. Her eyes locked on the list. I turned looking at the ice cream on the other side of the aisle picking up her favourite, chocolate cookie dough.

"Bella! I got the plastic cheese that she likes." I heard him, before I saw him. God, how had I been friends with this shmuck. I clenched the ice cream in my hand, squeezing till the carton was out of shape. I wondered who 'she' was, probably Rose. She liked that cheap shitty cheese.

"Jake sweetie, it's not plastic, it's processed." She laughed, her small hand's taking it from his clearly calloused and rough hands. He was a little confused as she popped it in the shopping cart.

"Betsy's milk makes award winning cheese and she says its yuckie and likes to eat this plastic shit." Holy shit, someone liked cheese more than me. Why the hell hadn't she noticed me? I wasn't exactly small, hello I was six foot five and a half. I stretched out, placing the ice cream in the basket.

"Jake, leave her alone. I love Betsy's cheese." Bella grinned at him, her dimples out in full force. I turned around slowly. Giving her one last look over and smiling, this was it. She'd see sense and back into good ol' Edward's arms.

"Why if it isn't little Isabella?!" I exclaimed happily at her "And my best friend Jake!" I said the latter somewhat sarcastically, best friend my ass. I said look out for her, not fucking hop in her panties at first opportunity. Asshole. Shmuck. Bastard.

I heard something drop, I looked up to see the phone in Bella's hand smash down to the hard tiles of the wal-mart. Hm, I still affected her. Well this is awkward. Nobody is saying anything. I wondered if the red jeep was hers. Probably was. She had one back when I was last here but that one outside looked a lot newer.

"For fucks sake. I've smashed it again." She groaned plopping it in her jean short pocket. I noticed she was slimmer but the curves were there than when I left, the baby fat was gone. I still towered over her, she was tiny. She had grown a couple inches if that. She was wearing retro style shorts with a oversized men's shirt. "Edward Cullen… Long time no see." She muttered, her eyes looking at Jake who had moved his arm around her waist.

"So it would seem, how long have you two been together then?" I asked, knowing perfectly well how long. Wanted to see if she'd lie to me.

"Five years in November." She muttered. Her body stiff and unyielding, she barely fucking gave me a chance to came back. That would mean he would have got in her panties within six months of me leaving, so Mom got it wrong she over estimated their relationship length. I looked at her softer body, she was slender but soft, the eyes that I had caused a shit storm over, they looked at anywhere but me for an extended period of time her eyes weren't twinkling like the stars, no they looked tired. She had bags under them and her mascara had smudged slightly, it sat under her left eye. They darted from me to Jake, they never really settled at me and the moment I caught them I could see her anguish, how hard the last five years had been on her and I realised, she hadn't had it easy. Something had happened to her that had made the small town teenage girl I left behind grow up dramatically. Her mud pie eyes settled on Jake and he smiled at her, she took a deep breath and smiled back. Her eyes twinkled when she looked up at him, like they did with me. Ouch, I tried not to feel the contraction around my heart.

"Congrats, did you go to college? Become a doctor?" Maybe that's why she was tired because she had been doing shifts. Her brown eyes shot up at this, the pupil contracted and the heckles came out, her eyes set in a murderous glare at me and she let out a bitter laugh.

"Plans change Edward, things happen. You have to care for people, and then they have limited time so you can't leave." She said bitterly, her phone lighting up in her front pocket. "People come into your life that depend on you and you can't leave them for the bright lights of hollywood or college." The resentment was clear. It wasn't my fault, I thought she was happy? I was so confused. I wondered if she still danced… she had always moved beautifully. Still one of the best dancers I'd seen to this date."No, I teach dance and drama." She muttered "I need to go, Rose wants to see me." She said too quickly for my liking and she left.

Jake stood and stared after her. He looked tired as well but he looked so happy, Jake had always been slightly down before when I was around, it bugged me that he'd watch Bella so much and now I got it, he was in the same boat as me and now that Bella was his, the roles had reversed and I was the slightly down one wishing for the impossible. The Isabella fandom. There was some bags under his eyes as well, did they have a major lack of sleep? _Vampires._ Hm, strange. He ran his hand down the three day stubble on his chin and laughed.

"She's still got the fire, I was wondering where that went." He laughed a little, trying to put me at ease. I looked at him, why did he have to be such a nice guy? I couldn't fault him. I had come up and caused a shitstorm as per usual and he tries to laugh it off. Ten out of ten. Ugh, I really wanted to hate him.

"Yeah, the fire in her belly." I laughed a little, knowing that I full well deserved it. "Is she always like this?" I asked with a laugh. God, I think just fell for her again. Fuck, that was hot.

"She's really good now, it took just under a half a year after you left for her to stop the depression era." He said sadly, he was clearly remembering something "I'd rather her angry and storming off than what she was a month after you left."

I looked at him, what did he mean? How would she be sad? She promised me!

"What do you mean?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Well, she phoned me a month after you left and I found her, razor in hand and her left wrist slashed and tore lying in the bath, I got her in time but I'll never forget how she clung to me and I knew I'd let you down cause I promised I'd look out for her but she started going to counselling and things happening that were for the best and then we got together and everything was just perfect, but then her Mom got cancer and died about six months ago, she looked after her Mom till the end. She was determined to look after her but Jasper moved to England to be with his wife Angela, she didn't have much help. Her Dad working away. She was left to it. Rose and I were so stressed about what she'd do you know cause you weren't even that major just her first boyfriend and her Mom had helped her with everything. But she just talks about it. Doesn't lock it up, pictures around the house and she looks after her Dad. It's all good, we have Daisy-Mae." He blurted, I looked at him and raised an eyebrow again. Renee was dead? Jasper moved on. Things really had changed. Bella engaged and who was Daisy-Mae? Somehow, I got why she didn't see me. She had a hell of a lot more on her plate than some jealous brat throwing his toys out his pram. I was going to ask him who Daisy-Mae was but he looked down at his expensive looking silver watch and made a face.

"Well it was sure nice bumping into you Edward but I gotta flee, it's time to go see my girl." He laughed pushing the cart down the aisle, Bella was his girl. Bella had tried to commit suicide because of me?

I stumbled out the walmart, my hands clutching the plastic bag as I walked to my car, the red jeep still there. She could have walked to Rose's in less than ten minutes.

I walked in the front door, dropping my backpack and the walmart bag. "Mom, I'm home!" I shouted, my hands raking through my hair. I was shaving it off, it was too thick for heat like this anyways. I walked down the hall, placing my hands in my the front pockets of my shorts. The wall was lined with pictures of Em and me growing up. Bella was in quite a few as well. Alice. I looked away from the little girl smiling at me, it still hurt too much to remember. I noticed a few of a little girl, no bigger than four grinning at the camera. She looked like Alice, it probably was Mom had maybe dug them out. There was one of Rose and Em, at an engagement party. It looked it like it was their party apparently. Nobody had told me? Wow, well and truly unwelcome home.

I threw my keys in the fruit bowl on the table and walked out patio doors, almost stubbing my toe on the cheesy stone dog door stop. I paced out past the pool, ignoring a laughing Em as he spat water at a little girl with big mental curls. She was giggling in her floaties.

"Uncle Em!" She screamed. Must be Rose's sisters kid. I threw myself on the lounger.

"Uncle Em who is that?" The little girl asked as he walked over to the side of the pool.

"That would be Edward, my little brother. He knows your Momma pretty well. They used to date." He laughed poking her side as he held her and sat her up on the ledge.

"He knows my Momma? Do you mean the Edward that sung the song about flowers?" She asked, sweetheart that wasn't about flowers. She stood up and giggled. Who was her Momma, there was a couple of girls I had dated before Bella but I can't see Em being close to any of them. "Momma always scowls when his songs come on the Radio." She walked over to me and looked at me. Her curls were a copper colour like the fallen leaves that Bella and I sat on in Autumn and made out on. She twitched her button nose and grinned, her little teeth on show. She had the same gap that Bella had before she got braces. But it was her eyes, they were a replica of my Hazel ones. She even had the golden flakes in the right eye, which made it look lighter than it was. Her eyelashes were long and thick, She was Bella with my eyes and hair. Fuck… This was the girl that looked like Alice, I got why now- it was the eyes. I jumped back on the recliner. No, she couldn't be…

"What's your Momma's name?" I asked her, she looked about three/four at a push. I gulped, she'd have told me though. Bella wouldn't have hid her, my Mom wouldn't either.

"Isabella Marie Swan but she's gonna be the same as me and pops soon, she gonna be a Black soon." She smiled "What's your name? Uncle Em no very good with names." She laughed a little and Em slapped his head as she turned. She really laughed at this, her little hands clutching her chubby belly. Nobody had asked me who I was in a long time. Who was I? I didn't believe Jake was her Dad for a minute.

"I'm Edward Anthony Mason-Cullen, who's your Daddy?" I asked, Em's eyes shot up and shook his head, if it was Jake, Em wouldn't have reacted. I knew it. Who was her Daddy then?

"My Daddy is Dakeob Black." I was surprised, her speech had been very good up until now, so she couldn't pronounce her J's. Cute. That ain't your Daddy sweetheart, if my inkling is correct. I'm your Daddy. I stood up and looked down at her. Tiny child. I picked her up and looked at her. She giggled lightly and wrapped her arms around my neck. This was when I felt the small presence of Mom.

"Edward Anthony Mason-Cullen, put Daisy-Mae down and go get some milk. I don't need you near her." Nice to see you too Mom, why were they freaking out about me being near her if she was nothing to do with me? Why did Grady look like he was going to have a heart attack and Mom was about to flip. "Emmett Carty Mason-Cullen, you can go with him." Shit was serious, Mom never used his full name. Ever. Uh-oh. He climbed out the pool and grabbed his tee from the lounger, quickly pulling it over his head and ruffling his hair.

"You could at least get out your wet bottoms and get a new tee, you are soaked." I grunted, stepping away and fixing my ralph lauren polo shirt, getting away from Em and his soaking clothes. I don't like getting wet. I like perfection. 'I won the pie contest at the county fair' tee. I sighed and sorted out the bottom of my shorts.

"Not all of us are pretty boys." He muttered, he looked at Daisy-Mae who was now sitting on my lounger eating a twister ice lolly and the tub of ice-cream I had bought in her other hand "Some of us have more important things to worry about than ourselves."


	3. The 'better' brother

**Hey, I know this is a week late but I was trying to push myself to write 3500 and it just got messy so I cut a chunk and it is so much better now. This is a little insight into Edwards head. I just want to let you know this isn't going to be your typical, boy leaves comes back and girl goes straight back- this a story about connections and more than just romance. It's about families and how they connect and deal with situations, so yeah it's a bit more adult. **

**I own nothing but the plot and non canon characters.**

**Review please and thanks for reading!x**

It was awkward. Well that's putting it lightly- Em wouldn't even look at me as I drove. I come home to the people that are meant to love me and I've not even had one welcome. Typical. Dad would probably be lying in his own piss in the City with a bottle of Jack and a needle in his arm that the money I gave him to stop selling stories. One day hopefully he'd overdose and I'd have one less worry in life. I knew he lost everything once he lost Alice, but at least… No I wouldn't think of that. I leaned my head back against the headrest and sighed. The cool leather felt nice against my neck. Now hopefully tonight I'd be able to bang some random chick that didn't want serious and she'd let me call her Bella. Most girls didn't mind if it happened. They'd moan who they wanted whether that was Embry or Quill, I didn't care. I really didn't, they were just a body to spill my seed into. I thought about going back to LA, taking up Aro's offer on his latest film. I could transform myself into a proper movie star instead of a couple shit films and TV cameos on shows like iCarly and whatnot. I ran my hand through my hair, wondering what to do. I had put my name to project and it had been announced I was doing it but I just didn't know. I wanted to go on holiday and for some unknown reason I came here.

I wondered how old Daisy-Mae was. I bit my lip, my head looking out the window. I watched the millions of straw bales a warm sandy colour and crops as they rose out the earth bright green and tall. I loved this part of the world. It was a beautiful piece of sanctuary. It was home and always would be. Thats when I realised why I came here, it was home. I had missed home. The bright lights of NY had meant nothing without my family at my side. I had pushed and torn connections to them and I had to make it up to them.

"How old is Daisy-Mae?" I asked, trying to keep the tone light and airy and let the tension out. If I had a knife, I'd cut it open. I took a deep breath and grabbed for the packet of cigarettes, I pulled one out the box. Lighting up, self destruction was key to success. Once you hated yourself, nobody could touch you.

"She was four in January." I done some mental counting, so that meant she was what four and a half? I left five years in April past. Now if her birthday was in January, she would have been conceived in April… I had made love with Bella in the April, I left two nights after we did. I was her Daddy, there was no doubt in my mind- it was as clear as crystal to me. What the fuck could I do about it though? Nothing.

"So, Rose and you?" I asked, trying to make polite conversation as I took an inhale of the cigarette in my lips. Fuck, the pressure in my chest was subsiding already. Ha, the very thing killing my lungs was making them better.

"Engaged and Rose is the girl" He smiled a little at this, His eyes floating down to his phone, a picture of the walking forehead the screensaver. Bleurgh. Actually, Rose was centre and Bella was to the left with Jake standing behind her. Fucking douchebag.

"So, who the fuck is Daisy's Dad?" I couldn't be bothered for bullshit, I took another inhale of the cigarette, playing with the smoke in my mouth as I pushed out. I looked at Em through narrowed eyes, he fixed the bottom of his sodden shorts. Bastard better not have ruined my seats. He was really getting on my tits, how long did something with one definitive answer. I stubbed the last of the cigarette out on my arm and ignored Em's gasp as I chucked the butt out the window. Sometimes I would do things like that to see if I could feel anymore.

"Jake." He muttered "You shouldn't smoke Edward, it ain't healthy! Or stub butts on your arm!" Oh, so now protective big brother came out, douchebag. I knew he was just moving the subject on to try distract me. He was so fucking judgemental."And stop acting like you're above everyone!" He shouted, ah so here is his true feelings about me. Asshole, he still had his high school girlfriend at least.

"Oh fuck off Em, you're just fucking jealous because I'm the better brother." I retorted, I clearly was he drove a fiat 500L and I drove a fricken new range rover. Some people just can't help themselves. I had worked my ass off to be as big as I am and he can't be happy for me?

"The better brother? Seriously? It's your fault that Bella has the nasty scar! Because you promised her forever but was sleeping with five sluts? And don't lie Edward and say it was some bullshit you told her 'cause you loved her too much to hurt her because I know you Edward. You're a liar and that song Mud pie eyes? Yeah, she sobbed to Rose while Daisy-Mae was kindergarten and Jake was working the other month when she heard it… Her Mom had just died and you come along all mister coolpants- showing her that you never gave a damn about her and get pissed at her being happy with Jake- you deserve it! It's your own fault that she's with Jake and frankly I'm glad she is Edward because you're not half of what Bella is. I've spent the last few years defending you to Rose but you ain't worth it Dickhead!" He said, Em never swore. I paled a little at his words, he had a point. He had basically said everything that deep down I thought. That was the truth but I didn't sleep with the sluts as well. No-one would believe the truth though, I was that good of a liar but I couldn't tell the truth to save my life. I pulled over, we weren't far from home. I unlocked the doors and pointed to his

"You can fucking walk you dickhead."

He looked at me then sighed, he didn't even bother arguing. He just opened the door and slid out with a loud thump. I just wanted to hurt his feelings, I would say it was my defense mechanism but I was just a dick. He looked sad.

"Edward, I'm sorry." He said, quietly. His hands ran up his arm. I was going in for the kill. He was self conscious about his weight, I'd highlight it too him. No stopping me.

"And lose twenty pounds!" I shouted at him as he slammed the door shut, there better not be a crack in the windscreen. I'd charge him if there was. Fucking dickhead. I sped off, not even looking back as I hit the accelerator as fast as I could.

I thought I would just have to apologise and I'd be back in Bella's life like I'd never left. But apparently I was going to have to work a little. God, getting someone to want me wasn't normally hard. I had scored all three of Tanya's sisters, identical blonde twigs. I had lost count of the amount of girls that had been between my sheets.

I pulled the cigarette out of my pants pocket, and quickly lit it up. My second cig in what ten minutes if that? My lungs sighed in relief as I pushed the toxic clouds down my trachea letting them spread throughout my chest warming me up. I regretted what I had done to Bella, but I had always felt like I was less than her even when we were kids. Her Mom and Dad were on the rich list of America and My Mom painted plates for a living, sure before the accident Dad was a Doctor and a pretty damn good one but then he decayed into a husk living only for his next hit.

I drove through town, glad my windows were tinted. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I shifted slightly in my seat, taking a drag of the cigarette in my hand. I slowly turned to look to my left, I was in the heart of the suburbs. I drove down the long street where all the houses looked the same. Green lawns, white picket fences and a Mom car. A couple houses spiced it up and placed a barbeque in their garden or maybe even a swing set.

I eventually arrived at the store. My head spinning as I reached for the milk. I grabbed a tub of gummy sweeties and some twizzlers for Daisy-Mae. I wasn't sure if she was allowed them but what the hell, she called Em her uncle so I just figured that I could get them for her.

I thought about Daisy-Mae, she was so like Riley but I saw so much of myself in her. I really did doubt that Jake was her Dad, she wasn't at all tanned she was ghost white. Her hair had that strange copper twinge that mine did.

I paced up the garden path, my hands pushing into my pockets. I turned the door knob slowly, walking in the house. I pulled my hoodie off, hanging on a free peg and I bent over kicking off my converse. I sighed, carrying the bag into the kitchen and popping the milk in the fridge as I hummed a tune. I left the sweets on the counter. It was very quiet, I wished that I was coming home to Bella at the stove, our little one crawling through her legs and waiting for me Dad to come home and Bella excited to be my bride but that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. I yawned, leaving the kitchen and heading towards the curved stairs. There was a note on the mirror, a pink post it with a D-M and a big kiss and one from Mom '

Took Daisy, Em and Rose for dinner. Talk when I'm home. Mom, Ps mac and cheese in the fridge with real mountain lion bits x'

At least I got a fucking kiss. And it wasn't real mountain lion bits, they were bacon. Parents lied to us all our lives and expect us to be honest. Santa, tooth fairy and even the easter bunny. Lies, lies and more lies. I took some of my meds, maybe more than I should have but whatever, I'd sleep better. I didn't tidy up the knocked over bottle

I flopped on my bed, noticing how I just sank into the foam of the mattress. I let out a sigh of relief moving to curl up into a little ball. I let out a cry, silent. A private cry, I thought about how no-one had told me Renee had died. She had been a second Mother growing up and the fact I never got to say goodbye hurt. I wondered why they wouldn't tell me. I mean, yes what I had done to Bella was cruel espically since she had been my closest childhood friend and then my first love, my only love, but not to tell me about Renee dying was a low blow. I held onto the pale blue blanket that was on the bed, smelling the fresh washing powder. The room was how I left it- just a bit cleaner. I noticed the trainers I'd left in the middle of the floor were neatly placed on a shoe rack. My posters were still up of the endless bands I had fallen in love with. On my bedside table was a picture of Bella at the spring fling.

I picked up the picture, the floral frame awkward to hold as I looked at her face. She was giving a beaming grin, one of her million dollar smiles. Her long mahogany hair was in light curls and skimmed her narrow back. Her eyes were a light brown, that shone like a dark gold. Her pale skin looked luminous in the moonlight, her hands were holding the high black wedges in between her slim fingers. Her black nail polish was chipped and her lipstick long gone but she looked so beautiful. She looked carefree and happy. She was innocent.

I had ruined that innocence. I had pushed her to breaking point and rode off to pursue a dream that wasn't worth it. I hadn't been here to save her, Jake had done that and I don't know what hurt. What would have happened if he hadn't have saved her or the fact he did save her. In an ideal world, she would be mine and I would be hers. We'd be married and expecting. But I had fucked that right up.

I was a fool. A real fool.

With a loud smash the photo fell to the hardwood floor, the glass smashing everywhere and I wondered if she had felt this way when I had left.

I don't know how long passed as I sat staring at the photo of Bella, even through the smashed glass all I could see was her smile. I fell to my knees on the floor, trying to pick the photo out of the glass, vowing that I would make it all better. I would start with buying Mom a new photo frame. I moved my fingers through the glass, slowly and I could feel the sharp shards dragging through my skin, I could see the deep red gashes but the pain was miniscule to the deep ache in my heart. I could feel my cheeks damp as I struggled to grab the photo. How bloody hard was this to pick up a fucking photo? I had made a right mess. I let out a howl, not really caring if anyone heard. I wondered if I could feel anything now. I picked up one of the bigger shards of glass, holding it in the dim light of my bedside lamp.

I looked at the red puddle on the floor letting out a sigh, holy fuck. I did not expect that much blood. Was I one of those stars that had gone off the rails? Would I die? Was I dreaming? Where was I? Why was I bleeding so much.

The room went fuzzy and I could hear doors banging, a voice shouting. The a voice sounded like an angel. My angel. I tried to sit up, but it was hard. I had to clean up for angel, I had to look good. Everything was spinning.

"Daisy? Momma's here!" I heard my angels voice getting closer, I had to go find her. I stumbled up, the room was a mess. I could see the blood there was a lot now. My arms were streaked. Mom was gonna freak, I didn't care.

"Esme! Em?" She shouted "You left the door open!" Nobody was listening to angel, nobody home. Was she not seeing the note?

I got downstairs, the trail of blood following me. The cream carpets had what looked like a red waterfall as I fell at the foot of the stairs. Everything really went black.

"Edward? Are you drunk…. FUCK!" I heard, then the angel was quiet.


	4. Friends?

**Chapter four - Friends?**

**Hey! Here is chapter four. It's from Bella's point of view. It's a bit of a filler but I thought I could start to explain a couple of the back stories. It's also kind of like last chapter an insight to how Bella works mentally. **

**Anyway here you go! :)**

**Reviews, please lovelies!**

**I know I need a cover but I work on chromebook :(, if anyone knows a browser programme or could make me one I'd be greatful drop me a PM!:)**

**All mistakes are my own... No beta!**

**All characters but any non recognisable to twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Bella. **

I sat at the foot of his bed, just watching his chest rise and fall. His arm was bandaged up and he had a drip in his left. I can still feel his blood on my hands as I scrambled to try to fix him, then I had noticed the overturned meds. It was the fit that hit me the worse, he had always suffered from them as a kid and his meds were meant to sort that but for some reason taking too many pushed him in the opposite direction. I found him lying on the floor, convulsing and puking. It wasn't pretty. I don't even think he knew he was puking. I felt guilty, initially I had felt pissed off and thought he was drunk… I was just going to leave him like that.

Esme had to get new carpets. The whole house fitted. The blood was everywhere, she bleached it for days but nothing brought the bleach out. I didn't tell her about the scrap of paper that said sorry. I just let her believe he had a fit whilst holding a photo frame and thats how he hurt himself, and when he tried to grab the phone he knocked the bottle over. I knew he hadn't wanted to kill himself but he had wanted to hurt himself. I also saw the photo of me in the frame. I felt guilty, like it was my fault he had done this. _Did he feel sorry when Jake and your Dad carried you out the bathtub? _My subconcious asked. I didn't know if he even knew what I had done. He didn't know about Daisy-Mae until he met her and he didn't know about Jake and me… He had only found out on his first date back and my Mom dying.

I knew that he would know about Daisy, he was a douchebag and he broke my heart but Edward was always smart. He was sharp, intune. I had always said he should have been a detective. I was ripped in half, because half of me wanted to make him better- look after him and love him but the other half of me wanted to spit on his face and never see him again. I wasn't even pissed about him leaving me with Daisy-Mae, I loved her far too much to ever resent him for that. Infact I'd always be thankful for that.

I knew that I would always love him, he was my oldest and dearest friend. There was many a time when I sat in bed awake at night feeding Daisy-Mae, wishing that it was him snoring to my left instead of Jake. Or it would be him coming through the door at night with flowers. When I had agreed to let Jake be Daisy's Daddy and my other half, I had felt nothing for him romantically- I loved him dearly as my best friend but I didn't see him as a lover. I had honestly stopped picturing Edward when we had sex or made out but it wasn't Edward. I often asked myself why I had to love the douchebag over the nice guy. Maybe I just liked danger, I stayed with Jake because I was comfortable, we didn't argue and he did what I wanted. I knew that spark would come, it was just taking light to come on.

I had to stay with Jake as well, although Edward gave me the sperm to make Daisy-Mae. In her little world Bella was Momma and Jake was Daddy. And Jake had saved my life.

I looked up at Edward, his fingers were twitching. I could tell he'd be up in the next little while. I didn't know what to do. Fuck, I could do with a coffee.

I walked down to the end of the corridor, the hospitals shiny lino reflecting my tired face. I was coming late at nights, it wasn't technically allowed because it was after visiting hours but my cousin Bree was a nurse and I had just bought her and Diego a house. I wasn't just living off of Daddy's money, when Dad lost Mom he lost his mind a little. So I had been quietly working away at the company under a ruse a false name, as an eco-researcher into more viable fuels and sustainable fuels away from fossil fuels and last November just before Mom passed I had invested money into some Eco systems like Solar energy and Electric cars, and I had turned a huge profit for the company. Dad gave me the money I had made and ran everything past me when it came to investing, it was a lot of responsibility for being only twenty two but some how I was named the next big thing in renewable business.

I wasn't living the dream of being a doctor but I loved my job, I was still helping the world. I was helping more people and the future generations. I sighed, picking up the americano that had been poured from the machine. I took a sip, the coffee burning my tongue from the heat. It tasted like shit but I could already feel the caffeine working it's magic. I grabbed the property paper from a stand to my left, I could use with buying a bigger house. I liked to remain inconspicuous, not flaunt my wealth like Jasper did but I hated living in an apartment. And besides, he did live off Daddy's money- he was 30 and already on his third wife but I liked Angela, she brought out the best in him. His first wife Maria had been awful, he had met her at college. He studied philosophy, he was brainy and still hasn't had a proper job, he couldn't cope with the harshness of reality, he just gets more letters after his name. I loved him to bits but for someone so smart he was an idiot. Maria had just saw his second name and the dollar signs, she was still trying to sue him for money and her kid who wasn't even his. But she claimed it was, even after the paternity test. His second wife Lauren was a little better, she hated me with a passion but I honestly couldn't care less. I still had to deal with her. Unfortunately Jasper had spawned a child with her. A little boy called Seth, who was his Daddy's spit. Seth was four years older than Daisy but they had never met, I had never met him either, Lauren just came on her own for the money 'that we owe her for Seth'. I didn't like her. I never once asked for a bean from Jacob for Daisy or Edward, I done it myself. Obviously Jacob liked to buy her things and he'd pay for shopping once every so often but I wouldn't ask him for it. That was my job as her Mother. A Father can leave, a Momma is for life- well in my case.

I know that Angela is good for him, she's a renowned photographer. She's worked everywhere from National Geographic to Vogue. She was even tipped to do Edward's big wedding before the mud pie incident, which I still had to shout at him for. So much to do, so little time. No rest for the wicked- that was a favourite of Mom's but she would say- "No rest for a Momma, Bella". When I would whine just after having Daisy-Mae. But Angela was good for my big brother. She had made him wait till they'd been steady for three years before they got married- he even had to ask her Dad for her hand. He doted on her. She had told me in last weeks skype call that she was forcing him to get a job. He had even applied for a few. She was also heavily pregnant with their first child, a girl. She had also forced him to fight for custody of Seth, a battle which they were winning. She had told me they would even move back to the states- even if it meant being a thousand miles away from home. Anything for her boy- she had openly admitted she'd take Seth as her own and had bonded with him when he went over last summer. She was a good woman. I loved her like the big sister I never had.

I opened the door to Edward's room, I sat down on my shitty plastic chair. I checked my watch, 11:03. I would have to leave in twenty seven minutes to get home. I sighed rolling my head back trying to crack my neck into joint, it wasn't working. I sighed again- this time it was for effect.

"Bella?" His voice was cracked, tired and barely more than a whisper. My head shot up, eyes linking with his. Although I could see the bags lined under his eyes and the bruises from where had fell around his eyes- they were still that hazel colour. The same as my little girl's. He was still the most beautiful man I had saw. Even with the bruises and stubble that was sprouting from his face. He jumped up in his bed, and winced.

"You broke your leg falling down the stairs." My voice wasn't friendly but it wasn't harsh like i had been in the walmart.

"Oh okay…" He looked down with a sigh. He was broken and not just as in a metaphor sense. I think he was broken inside, he looked to me then the drip a few times and up to the ceiling. He was thinking. He wanted something, he had never changed really. "Bella… I know sorry isn't enough for what I've put you through but…" I looked at him, sorry? Yeah damn right it wasn't enough. It never would be. Nothing would be enough but goddamn it if it wasn't for the love I felt for his Mother and Brother, not to mention what they done for my baby girl- I wouldn't be near him. I chucked once at this thought, who are you trying to kid Bella? Him or yourself? It was more myself than him.

"Edward… sorry will never make up for it. Goddamn you broke me! You broke me so very much! If it wasn't for finding out I was pregnant, I probably would have tried to kill myself again!" I wanted to hurt him, then we could be even. "I hated you for a long time. A very long time. I hated myself for falling for you in the first place but mistakes happen… I'm only here because your Mom asked me to come here." I muttered, trying to keep a straight face. I always had been a great believer in a no emotion is more hurtful than anger or sadness "And to be fair I feel nothing for you now. Just another face on the TV."

That was a big fat lie Isabella.

"Bella… I am sorry and I'll always hate myself for leaving the way I did but could we at least be friends? I missed you." He wouldn't look at me, his pride wouldn't let him but I knew he was hurting. He needed this, and I didn't need to give Esme another check for 40 grands worth of carpets. I didn't grudge her, it was just I didn't want to find him like that again and I didn't want Esme to find me hugging his cold body kissing his head and cheeks. Tears pouring down my face, trying to make him better.

"Fine, we can try." I muttered, my hands wiping down my jeans. Friends… I could do this… I had to try. I had no choice.


	5. Not a chapter

**It's just to say, I've kind of lost hope in the story. I was trying really hard to write a fic that wasn't like every other where Bella runs straight back to Edward, I was trying to make it have a back story and that takes time to build up but I feel as though it's not wanted. I don't care if I get more reviews telling me I'm whining. I thought it was a good idea when I wrote it as a personal fic but I was wrong. So I'm putting it on hiatus for now, probably for a good while. I clearly need to go and re-evaluate my skill base. **

**I'm also deflated and need time to perk myself back up to want to write. **

**I thank you all for reading and those who reviewed, to give me the critique, it's duly noted.**


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